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Meet Jim E. Brown, Manchester's hottest up and coming poet and singer/songwriter. His autobiography "Brown on Brown" is a no-holds barred romp through the streets of East Didsbury to the hills of Chorlton-cum-Hardy....and everywhere in between. Jim E. spills the beans on East Didsbury, his alcoholic years at his favorite pub Ye Olde Cock, his love of Gushers candies, his Father's Pus-filled soars and much more! Purchase of the book includes digital download of "Jim E. Brown Sings His Love Songs," a £250 value! Enjoy!
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With the seemingly neverending hubbub and turmoil that contemporary society confronts us with, it can be rare to step back and appreciate each other for what we really are; human beings.
The love of my life, Darlene Viglianco is a human and I respect her immensely for that. In the age of cellular phones, desktop and laptop computers, WiFi and the like it can be immensely moving just to touch a warm bit of human flesh. No matter how much comfort we get from iPhone 10s and 11s, they will never have resonate the way the warm and hairy skin covering your lover's flesh, blood and organs will.
Darlene and I first met at Greedy's Fish & Chips in Upper Swell. I was in that remote region to escape what was becoming an oppressive situation with my mother. Her affair with Mr. Smothfeld was out in the open and the very thought of seeing a man besides my father kiss her made me swell with anger.
The stress of this situation made my drinking get out of control. I was pounding a fifth of standard Nikita Imperial Vodka for breakfast. I had discovered that if I ate more food I could manage to drink even more alcohol. So after my morning fifth of Vodka I'd make myself 6 boiled eggs. Sometimes I'd eat each whole, one by one, or if I was in a rush I'd blend them into a smoothie in the old Vitamix and drink them out of a coffee mug. Then I'd follow it up with a round of Red Bull Vodkas at Ye Olde Cock Inn, the finest pub in all of East Didsbury.
I was a regular at Ye Olde Cock. I loved drinking myself into a stupor there. I can't tell you how many times the old barkeep, Anton Wilson had to clean vomit, diarrhea and urine from the floor because of me. Everyday I'd go in, order a Red Bull Vodka and a piece of bread. I'm a rather picky eater and one of the few things I like to eat beside eggs is bread. Typically my family would eat eggs for breakfast and bread for lunch and dinner.
Since the untimely death of my father, my mother had insisted on making only peas for Dinner, and no Bread. I couldn't stand the taste of peas. I grew to hate my mother deeply for this alone, but when she began her affair with Smothfeld it was the final straw. I had to escape to Upper Swell, at least for a while. Yes, I'd miss East Didsbury and Ye Olde Cock, but sometimes self-care means taking yourself out of toxic environments.
Smothfeld's presence in my home felt like a slap in the face to the memory of my father, who died with pus-y boils all over his face. Imagine a face covered with pus-y boils being smacked...the pus would explode everywhere! Smothfeld clearly had no conception of how vile and perverse he truly was. I suspect he's a sociopath.
Around this time I became rather fond of a candy called Gushers. As I said before, I'm not one for experimenting with different foods and such. Bread and eggs is enough for me. But Gushers were interesting. They were gelatinous on the outside, but when you bit into them you'd get a hot spurt of sweet sour liquid. The sensation was thrilling to say the least.
Maybe I'm a masochist, but I think the Gushers reminded me of my father's pus filled boils. When he had a poke at one of those rotund boils it would leak a goopy load of pus, much like the juice of a Gusher. It took three years of psychotherapy to come to this realization. But we'll get to that later.
I was drinking my 8th Diet Pepsi and Whisky at Greedy's Fish and Chips. My tummy was full of Diet Pepsi, Eggs, Whiskey, Bread and Gushers. I guess I overwhelmed my system because I projectile vomited across the entire bar. I saw chunklets of boiled egg yolk, and the gelatinous white membrane, all coated with Gushers liquid flying across the bar.
One little egg chunklet landed on a brown-haired bombshell, Darlene.
I had never seen anyone like her. 5 foot 3, around 13 stone and dressed up in a pink hooded sweatshirt and loose fitting jeans. She was the image of perfection. Forget Rosie or any of the others.
Darlene was disgusted by the scrap of vomit which landed on her. She instinctively began to vomit herself. I closely observed the content of her vomit. I saw the unmistakable sign of Gusher remnants in the putrid liquid she had expelled.
She collapsed to the floor. I used it as an opportunity to inspect her vomit more thoroughly. I saw what appeared to be boiled egg yolk remnants as well. Was this woman eating the same diet as I was? I began to shake her. "WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" I screamed.
She slowly opened her eyes. She had vomit dribbling from her mouth, as did I. "I'm sorry I vomited on you, but I was wondering, miss...have you been eating Gushers and Eggs?"
She took a moment to gather her bearings. She seemed confused, and responded slowly. "Why, yes, those are some of the only things I eat."
"And me as well!" I shouted aloud. Normally I wouldn't be so forward but the Diet Pepsi Whiskys must have lowered my inhibitions.
"Can I kiss you?" I said.
"Yes!" she shouted emphatically, without hesitation.
We frenched for the better part of an hour, rolling around in the pools of our respective vomit. She attempted to touch my private sack, but as I'm a gentleman I'd never allow that on a first date.
"What's your name?" I said
"Darlene" she said.
"The moment of intimacy we just shared was for more healthy and less toxic than anything Mother would do with Smothfeld." I said.
"I don't understand" said Darlene.
"I'll tell you all about it at a later time."
The day I met Darlene would be the first day of the rest of my life.
lyrics
Let me tell you about my baby
She's got a face
She's got two eyes
One nose
One mouth
And two ears
Let me tell you about her arms
She's got two and two hands
Each with five fingers
That makes ten fingers to touch me with
My Baby is a Human Being
She's A Person
My Baby is a Human Being
She's A Person
Her internal organs are covered in blood
And so is her flesh
She's got an outer layer of skin
That protects the blood from being exposed
She's got two legs
With two feet attached to the legs
Each with five toes
That's ten total
And other body parts
My Baby is a Human Being
She's A Person
My Baby is a Human Being
She's A Person
My Baby is a Human
She's Alive
My Baby is a Human Being
She's a Person
She feels emotions
And possesses cognitive abilities not seen in other such animals such as full blown language capacity as well as reasoning and planning abilities
My Baby is a Human Being
She's A Person
My Baby is a Human Being
She's A Person
My Baby is Alive
It makes me so glad that I'm alive
That I'm Alive
That I'm Alive
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